forum.mormonentum.de – Das Exmo-Diskussionsforum

Das Exmo-Diskussionsforum

Beitrag 1 von 1
zum Thema Robert Kirby

Seite erstellt am 25.4.24 um 22:52 Uhr

der Beitrag:

Verfasser: James

Datum: Sonntag, den 3. Dezember 2000, um 8:44 Uhr

Betrifft: Robert Kirby

Robert Kirby, Kolumnist und Kommentator der HLT-unabhÃ¤ngigen (noch) Salt Lake Tribune, gestern in der Tribune, Ã¼ber das PhÃ¤nomen von "EvangeliumsgeschÃ¤digten Idioten" E-Mails zu erhalten (Hervorhebungen von mir):

"My Job Is Hard Enough Without Having to Answer Questions From These Gospel-Impaired Idiots
Saturday, December 2, 2000

By Robert Kirby
Salt Lake Tribune Columnist

For some reason, this column prompts a large number of gospel questions. While it’s true that I am a highly respected theologian, my expertise is limited entirely to one field of ecclesiastical study.
I have no idea how many rings of Hell there are, how many aliases God goes by or the exact categories and jobs of various angels.

I am, however, the world’s most respected authority on staying awake in church.

My most recent work (currently under review by Sunstone, the College Of Cardinals and the athletics department at Bob Jones University) is: Electricity and Evangelism: A Liturgical View of Receiving a High Voltage Manifestation of the Spirit Through The Seat of Your Pants.
Specializing in one gospel thing does not stop readers from sending me hard-to-answer questions on all sorts of gospel things. Over the years, I have collected quite a few of them.

I was going to compile the questions for publication in a book titled Spiritually Impaired Answers to Gospel Questions Only Idiots Would Ask, but Deseret Book said, "Nay."

So, for what it’s worth, here are some of the most common questions I get, along with the best answers I could think of. For further clarification, go bother your ecclesiastical leader, or simply up your meds.

-- "Is there anything about God that disgusting people like you will not mock?" B.V., e-mail.

Religious rites and ordinances of all faiths are equally respected here. Unless, of course, it involves people like you. Then all bets are off.

-- "As a faithful Christian who resents your negative commentary, I can’t help wondering: Do you have any idea of what our Lord Jesus said?" J.D., SLC.
That you and I are both idiots; a fact that apparently only one of us is getting.

-- "If you’re so smart, what do you think is the true power of the priesthood?" C.G., Sandy.

Just say no?

-- "I do not believe that church attendance is as bad as you say. If you hate being in church so much, why do you bother going?" T.R., e-mail.

I hate vegetables too, but they’re good for me.

-- "Your comments make me wonder: Aren’t you really an atheist?" L.L., Texas.

Yes, but only in church. Typically, whenever a meeting runs long, or rehashes ad nauseam something I heard last week, or makes less than 15 percent of the recommended daily allowance of sense.

-- "My bishop says people like you are a wolf in sheep’s clothing leading people astray with funny columns. How would you respond to that?" J.W., Bountiful.

Wolf is kind of strong. Let’s go with a weasel in hamster clothing.

-- "As your friend in Christ, would you please convince your readers of the need to pray for the Republican Party in this year’s election?" D.L., SLC.

Shut up.

-- "Who is the LDS Church afraid of that they would take out the part in the Book of Mormon about people becoming ’white and delightsome?’" E.W., California.

Michael Jackson.

-- "What is your favorite scripture? We have to bring one to Seminary tomorrow." F.C., e-mail.

Jacob 1:12.

-- "There’s a rumor going around the Internet that you have been disfellowshipped. True?" B.A., Provo.

I wish. I have to teach Sunday school tomorrow.

Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby lives in Springville. He welcomes mail at P.O. Box 684 Springville, UT, 84663, or e-mail at dark@airswitch.net"

Seine (s.o. Jakob 1:12) Lieblingsschriftstelle ist: "Und es begab sich: Nephi starb."

Die HaÃŸtiraden, persÃ¶nliche Angriffe etc. sind uns ja hier ebenfalls bestens bekannt und gelÃ¤ufig.