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Letzter Beitrag von 14 Beiträgen.

Seite erstellt am 20.4.24 um 2:09 Uhr

der Beitrag:

Verfasser: svenx

Datum: Donnerstag, den 20. März 2008, um 17:59 Uhr

Betrifft: Exemplarischer Eintrag

Also ich muss schon sagen, das LDS.net ist ein echtes Highlight - manche da sind wirklich sehr ehrlich und suchen Hilfe. Interessant sind die Antworten, einige sehr hilfreich, andere wieder schieben in diesem Fall alles auf den Satan und wollen das arme Kind retten und reden der Frau SchuldgefÃ¼hle ein... dieses Forum gibt wirklich tiefe und ehrliche Einblicke in das Seelenleben der Mormonen.

ich habe hier auch geantwortet, ihr kÃ¶nnt raten, welche Antwort es ist

ich halte natÃ¼rlich die nettiquette ein, aber oute mich als agnostiker

"One of those Days" ist der Ursprungsartikel
>>

One of those days
Posted On 03/19/2008 14:03:19 by emnjoe
Today’s just one of those days for me. Ever since I became a stay-at-home mom I have days where I question if this is what I really want in life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids more than anything and I’m glad I get to be there for them. But, being a mom is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I feel like I’ve completely lost myself as a person. I don’t even know what I enjoy doing anymore. I spend my days changing diapers, cleaning house, and making sure my kids are behaving. I never get to do anything for myself. Then there’s my husband. We’ve been together for a long time and things between us have changed a lot. Sometimes I feel like he’s sick of me after all of these years. I know he works hard to take care of me and the kids, but sometimes I just need a little more. Does that make since? Is it wrong of me to sometimes wish that I could go back in time and change my decisions so that I could have a different life now?

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From: serenadavidson
03/20/2008 09:58:25
I hope nothing I say is inappropriate to your situation, and if it is, please just ignore it. I like you already! You seem bright and competent and interesting, in my brief association with you. Boy, do I understand how you feel. I’m a mother of nine. I remember my five year-old walking around the house singing, "She’s just a good old mom; that’s all she is," in a loud, off-key kind of way. It was such a blow. I asked myself, "Is that all I am? Just a good old mom? My senior class voted me "Most Likely To Suceed", and here I am, just changing diapers and scraping peanut butter off the walls, kissing my husband goodbye in the morning and hello at night, feeling like a mundane failure."

Until I decided, "This heaven is mine to make! It can be as bad or as good as I want it to be." Here are my suggestions. First, concentrate on you. You need some building up, and unfortunately, some women have to build themselves up for lack of applicants for the job! Nothing wrong with asking Heavenly Father to help you know your worth. He KNEW we would feel this way occasionally, and He provided for our need. This is the Relief Society motto, personalized. This is what He thinks of us and wants for us. For a while there, I had to say it to myself every day when I woke up. I literally made myself read it out loud to me:

"I am a beloved spirit daughter of God, and my life has meaning, purpose, and direction.
With my sisters, I am devoted to Jesus Christ, my Savior and exemplar.
I am a woman of faith, virtue, vision, and charity who:
increases my testimony of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study;
seeks spiritual strength by following the promptings of the Holy Ghost;
dedicates myself to strengthening my marriage, my family, and my home;
finds nobility in my motherhood and joy in my womanhood;
delights in service and good works;
loves life and learning;
stands for truth and righteousness,
sustains the priesthood as the authority of God on earth,
and rejoices in the blessings of the temple,
understand my divine destiny, and
strives for exaltation.

So that’s the first thing: to learn and believe in your worth before God. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Say that mantra as often as you need to in order to feel confident. The next thing is to learn to recognize the enemy. It astounds me how many sisters there are in my Relief Society who feel like their lives are meaningless--good mothers who feel like they are bad mothers, good wives who feel like their husbands must not love them much anymore, capable women who feel so incapable. RECOGNIZE THE ENEMY! Only Satan would have you feel that way. Mothers and wives have so much power to influence for good, and Satan knows it. Only Satan would have the audacity to whisper belittling untruths in your ears and let you believe they are your own thoughts. They are not. Recognize the enemy. If you have to, when you start to feel that way, say it calmly and firmly out loud, "Satan, in the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave me." If your experience is like mine, he will leave, but not for long. You may have to say it over and over again. Just righteously outlast him. God is on your side. You may have to make it a habit to counter the untruths with truths. Satan whispers in your ear, "You have completely lost yourself as a person." You answer back, even if only in your head, "No, I am a beloved spirit daughter of God, and my life has meaning, purpose, and direction." He whispers, "You spend your days changing diapers, cleaning house, and making sure your kids are behaving; you never get to do anything for yourself." In the past, you swallowed it whole and accepted it as your own thoughts. Now you can answer back, "No, I am dedicated to strengthening my marriage, my family, and my home, and I delight in service and good works." Then take steps to feel that delight. Tell yourself that changing a disgusting diaper means you have a child to love. Washing dirty dishes means you have food to eat. Doing laundry means you have clothes to wear. Gratitude is a wonderful heart-softener. Look around you. Ask yourself what you would miss if you suddenly didn’t have it. Thank God, and ask Him to help your feel satisfaction.

I just finished reading President Hinckley’s biography. He was a perpetual optimist. The event that changed his life? He was a young missionary in England, and his situation was very difficult. He wrote home in discouragement. His father wisely said, "I have your letter; forget yourself and go to work." Now to some, that might seem cruel, but it was really the kindest thing he could have said, and it changed President Hinckley’s life forever. I doubt he would have continued on the path that led him to be the prophet if his father had not so spoken. Gordon said he committed on his knees that night that he would "forget himself and go to work," and he spent the rest of his life doing that.

Your life doesn’t have to be mundane. It can be just about as exciting and interesting as you decide to make it be. Every day, spend some time on you, reading, praying, doing something for relaxation and entertainment. Don’t short yourself. Consider yourself another important member of the family. Then forget yourself and go to work, to quote a phrase. Ask yourself, "What would make this home a heaven for my husband and my children?" and set about to create it. You will find your own heaven in the doing. Plan family parties! Do something with your husband you know he would really enjoy, even if it’s not your favorite, and try to see it how he sees it. Tell him, "I want to be a better wife to you. Do you have suggestions?" Love will die if you don’t make the constant effort to feed it. Marriage is a lot of work--and the most rewarding work you will ever do. President Hinckley said to be anxiously concerned about the welfare of your mate--always. Bread cast out upon the waters will return to you. You don’t have to go back in time and change your decisions so you can have a different life now; maybe you can go forward in time and DECIDE to have a different life and work to make it so. It’s like picking flowers for a bouquet; you have so many beautiful choices, and you get to do the choosing. Be purposeful.

I have such hope for you! You are on the brink of an adventure, if this plan seems plausible to you. Satan knows that, too, and it is probably why he is working extra hard on you right now. Go show him how it’s done! Good luck to you. I’m praying for you.

From: junkyfunky
03/20/2008 05:11:29
2 TIM 1:7, be careful with those scriptures, istÂ´s easy to simply think: "ItÂ´s my fault". we tempt to seek the fault often too fast in own behaviour. sometimes negative thoughts are not negative, but describing a realistic situation that YOU have to resolve. ItÂ´s important to act and not seeing yourself as a victim. talk to your husband and tell him what your needs are, usually men in generally take their time outs to recover without asking their wifes, women often think they have to sacrify everything for the family. if you marry with 19 does not mean that you are the same person with 28, weÂ´re developing our personality strongliy in the twenties. so just stand up and talk to your husband. change does not mean, that your relation or love to your husband will break up. you might just need more action and meaning in your life.

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From: Vanessa2
03/20/2008 00:13:01
Thanks for writing this blog. I don’t have children, but I surely know what it’s like to feel like you’re stuck in a monotonous routine or running on a treadmill your dying to get off, but can’t figure out how. I absolutely agree with the below comments, especially the bit about talking to your husband, because odds are he fills the same way. If you talk about it, you can come up with solution together. Or, maybe you could take the reigns and do things that maybe you would like him to do for you (but in his love language). Ie, if you want him to be more spontaneous, do something spontaneous for him, even if it’s something small like leaving him small notes around the house. I find that I have a good time trying to think of ideas and put them into action and he loves getting them (sometimes he does them back!). It’s nothing big, but it takes the monotony away.

You might want to read 2 Tim 1:7; God does not give us the feeling of powerlessness, that is Satan. Heavenly Father gives us a feeling of power and love. I know realizing that doesn’t make the monotony go away, but trying to remember the source of contention can. When I find myself stuck in a rut, I often find that the cause of a lot of my problems is some kind of spiritual weakness, so I throw myself into scripture study (and by throw, I mean reading more than I normally do even if it’s just 10 more minutes), prayer, reading the Ensign, and journal writing. Sometimes it takes a while, but if you’re doing what you can, the Lord will fill in the rest.

Thanks again for writing this, it’s be enlightening to me to hear about your experience and read everyone’s responses.

From: siouxz72
03/19/2008 19:08:12

Cgrant is so spot on it’s scary!! (*wink wink* cgrant! you know i love ya!) But really, he is! I’ve been with my husband since I was 17 and there are times that we have so not been in love with eachother and I was resentful of what I "had" to do as a mom. What did I learn from making it through these times? Communicate! Communitcate! Communicate! Let your husband know that you need some time to be your own person, explore your own interests...whatever. Maybe like Xen you can have a hobby that you can do at home so that you have some alone time. Let your husband know that you want to go on a date. Let the YW pres know that you need a babysitter who would be willing to babysit cheap. I know that I’ve always advised my girls to never tell someone "what they charge". Hopefully other people are like that, too. Or maybe there’s a swap you could set up with other parents so you all get a chance for date night. I can’t remember how old your kids are, and I’ll go look in just a minute, but one thing that we have always found fun is family home evening. We had the Teach With Treats books when the kids were little and let me tell you.... popcorn ball liahona’s are still a family fave! now that they’re older we’ll do family movie night. or family nap time (that one’s always daddy’s fave). One thing I can promise is that things will change. hee hee! easy for me to say, huh?! the only other thing I want to say is this...you’ll make it through! As long as you and your family have the same goal...you’ll make it! It might be tough for a while. Monotonous, boring, make-you-want-to-gag-lame, but you’ll make it! Isn’t that great? remember this... Life is good! Sometimes you just have to make it good is all... know what I mean?! good luck, honey!

-siouxz

From: cgrantreed
03/19/2008 18:54:48

I have to input here... going into a divorce with EYES WIDE OPEN...

You hit that stagnant point in a relationship... in life really, that just sucks dirty canal water. Nothing is new anymore and the honeymoon is sooooo over. Things just are monotone every day and life just doesn’t have that sweet taste to it that was once there. The problem with this is that its melting away your identity and if you don’t seek "yourself" within your relationship with your spouse you are headed for a lot of unhappiness. I would have to say from my experience of driving the wrong way on a one way road in my relationship... for 16 years... that the single most important thing in your life with your spouse has to be your spouse. Life for him may also be pretty stale and uneventful too if you are feeling that way. I would have to guess that you have been with your Beau since early in High School by the info on your profile and with that you lost part of the time that creates your identity on its own to the identity that you took on with him. Its not wrong but its strenuous on a relationship.

Focus heavily on building your marriage. You need to talk about what you rinterests are as individuals and then figure out how to complement those interests in a positive way. You NEED to take the time to do those things. The other thing that you absolutely have to do is take time to date. You did it for a bunch of years and I’d bet that once the kids hit the scene you stopped dating. Its pretty common. It did for me and my wife also. We took on the roles of Mr. Breadwinner and compassionate mother and forgot what we meant to each other as spouses. After a few years we tried to start it back up and we allowed the kids to get in the way and prevent it. Once a week, take time to go out and do something that you want to do. Maybe its taking the kids for a walk around the nieghborhood (cause they are still young)but GET OUT and make it a regular thing. Hire a babysitteronce or twice a month and really get out. See a movie, grab a burger or head to the park. I know that the young women in the ward here (and a couple wards that we were in before) would babysit once a month for free if it was to go to the temple with your spouse. Get that started in your ward if its feasible.

Don’t let your relationship with your husband get stagnant and use the kids as an excuse to let it happen. you will drift apart and the thoughts that you are having of "Is it wrong of me to sometimes wish that I could go back in time and
change my decisions so that I could have a different life now?" are a sure sign that stuff is going sideways on you and you are drifting in life. If you let it, your marriage will tank and your kids will suffer. YOU HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING THAT IS UNIQUELY YOURS in your day. It will also change too if you continue to be a SAHM once the kids get into school. There will be time to do something that is totally you.

Being a SAHM means dedication to someone else and a lot of times its easy to forget that you have to take the time for you. Your husband needs to accept that too and reciprocate with the kids so you can just get out for an hour or so. You are locked up with the munchkins 24-7 and sometimes you have to talk to adults too:-)

Keep praying. Keep reading your scritpures. Listen to peaceful music... like whats on your profile... and take time for God. He will guide you. My prayers are with you.

Grant

From: melissar
03/19/2008 17:44:30
I think I can relate also. Sometimes I just think that this is NOT what my life was supposed to be like at almost 34. I love my children and my husband dearly, but being the only one working can get tiring at times. It makes it worse that I work overnights and don’t feel like I get enough time with my children that I actually feel awake and energized. I am sorry for rambling and complaining. I know that things could be worse.

From: ReliefSocietySister
03/19/2008 15:26:54

I SO feel your pain. I have a lot of those days. I feel like I’m living someone else’s life. Doing things I don’t want to do, living in a place I don’t want to live. Being around people I don’t want to be around. Life used to feel so full of choices and now I feel trapped and somewhat desperate.

I know what you mean about the husband thing. Things just change and it feels like you are looking forward to a lifetime of settling for less than what you actually want.

RSS

From: xhenli
03/19/2008 14:56:25
Have one small thing. This is what I did for a period of time. I purchased a beautiful ’mandala’ coloring book. I purchased a huge set of colored pencils that only I am allowed to use (no sharing with kids!). And I spent some quiet time during part of the day coloring a mandala. Oddly enough after some time I didn’t feel the need as much because it was just the realization that I COULD have my own time at times, made me realize that I didn’t mind giving most all of it away to the kiddies. But I still color mandalas from time to time.