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Datum: Dienstag, den 15. Januar 2002, um 12:44 Uhr

Betrifft: Kirby: always good for chuckle

Kirby: Survival Kit For 408-Hour Emergency
Tuesday, January 15, 2002

BY ROBERT KIRBY
THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE

Got your 72-hour emergency kit ready? If not, you better. A big disaster is headed our way.
Utahns (Mormons mostly) have long been counseled to have such a thing ready for sudden disasters like earthquakes, floods, tornadoes and Scout trips gone horribly awry.
A 72-hour kit is supposed to contain survival stuff like food, bedding, shelter and medicine. In really creative cases it will also contain a parachute and an elephant gun.
The logic here is that three days is about how long you might need to hold out until help arrives, possibly in the form of bank officials wanting to foreclose on what’s left of your house.
My own 72-hour kit is a ratty sleeping bag, half a bottle of aspirin, and a five-pound can of military surplus jam, stored conveniently over at Larry’s house. I’m all set if the disaster is really short and doesn’t hurt me.
Normally, disasters happen when we don’t expect them, which is probably why we call them emergencies. You never write in your planner: "2:15 p.m. Major emergency."
Well, now you can. The major emergency headed our way right now is the 2002 Winter Olympic Games. The bad news is that your 72-hour kit won’t cover it.
You will need to upgrade to a 408-hour emergency kit. This is how long it will take the roads to unclog in order for help to reach you, possibly in the form of a tax increase.
Fortunately, we have plenty of time to prepare our kits. We should make a list. Go get some paper, a pencil, and most of all a bottle of rum.
SHELTER: Since your home may not survive the Olympics -- especially if you already rented it to foreigners who might chop a hole in the floor to cook one of your pets -- you will need a tent.
BEDDING: Do not count on motels for a place to sleep. A mattress in a parking lot is already going for $500 a night in Utah. So, a sleeping bag is next on the list. Pack two. You might find someone willing to rent the other one.
FOOD: Whereas only official sponsor foods will be allowed in some areas, we may have a tough time finding something to eat. Be sure to pack plenty of nourishing [brand name deleted].
WATER: Not an official Olympic beverage. So, provided we can get the necessary OK from SLOC, we will have to melt snow.
HEAT: Because the Olympics will strike in the middle of winter, a source of heat is imperative. Fortunately, there will be so many people in Utah that huddling is mandatory. Bring a jacket just in case.
MEDICINE: Make sure to pack an ample supply of all necessary medications, including insulin, morphine, Viagra, etc.
TOILET PAPER: Plenty has been written about the Olympics already. Plenty more is still to come. Finding toilet paper shouldn’t be a problem.
SIGNAL GEAR: At many venues, the only way to find your car and loved ones will be with aerial flares, dye markers and a compass.
CASH: Even if you manage to locate a working ATM, the line to it may be nine days long. So put in a wad of small bills and loose gems.
KNIFE: Don’t even think about it. Then again, a beating from security will probably warm you right up. Bring one.
That should do it. Now we wait.
Like other catastrophic inconveniences, the Olympics are going to be big, messy, loud and hideously expensive. We know it will begin Feb. 8, last 17 days, and be followed by considerable aftershocks.
_________

Source: http://www.sltrib.com/01152002/utah/167610.htm